Leadership Beyond "Them and Us" in the Church

The sixth leadership fundamental is They Is We. In church leadership, words matter. How we speak about our team, our staff, and our colleagues shapes the culture we cultivate. One of the most overlooked—and yet profoundly impactful—fundamentals of leadership is captured in a simple phrase: They Is We. This principle is about avoiding the dangerous divide of “us versus them” and recognizing that effective leadership requires full ownership, engagement, and unity with those we lead.

The Power of Language in Leadership

Studies in organizational psychology and leadership repeatedly emphasize that the language leaders use shapes the culture of the organization. Referring to your staff or management as “they” subconsciously creates distance, fosters a lack of accountability, and encourages a silo mentality. Leadership expert Peter Drucker famously noted, “Management is doing things right; leadership is doing the right things.” One cannot lead effectively while speaking of “them” as a separate group—authentic leadership requires seeing everyone as part of the “we.”

Similarly, Patrick Lencioni, in The Five Dysfunctions of a Team, identifies a lack of trust and fear of conflict as key factors that undermine teamwork. The subtle act of referring to staff as “they” reinforces an invisible barrier that prevents the team from reaching cohesion and shared purpose. Every “they” spoken in leadership subtly distances a leader from the group they are meant to guide.

“They” vs. “We”: The Executive Pastor’s Perspective

For an Executive Pastor, this principle is more than semantics—it’s a leadership imperative. Churches thrive when staff members feel seen, included, and fully part of the mission. An Executive Pastor who uses “They Is We” as a guiding principle models shared responsibility and shared vision.

Imagine an Executive Pastor discussing the finance team:

• Wrong: “They need to get this budget right.”

• Right: “We need to get this budget right.”

The first statement suggests the problem is someone else’s, a distant responsibility. The second statement signals ownership, engagement, and unity. Every time an Executive Pastor frames challenges and successes as a shared responsibility, they cultivate a culture of collaboration, accountability, and mutual respect.

Leadership References and Insights

John Maxwell, in The 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership, stresses the law of influence: “Leadership is influence, nothing more, nothing less.” Language that divides staff from leadership erodes influence. When an Executive Pastor speaks in terms of “we,” they strengthen their influence by demonstrating commitment and solidarity.

Ken Blanchard, co-author of The One Minute Manager, emphasizes that effective leadership is grounded in connection and mutual responsibility. Teams excel when leaders actively include themselves in the effort and its outcomes. “They” language signals detachment, while “we” language models unity.

Even outside the church, leaders in corporate and nonprofit environments have documented similar findings: teams led with inclusive, collective language experience higher engagement, lower turnover, and stronger morale. In faith-based organizations, where mission and vision are deeply personal, the stakes are even higher. A sense of “we are in this together” can be the difference between a staff that merely performs and a staff that flourishes.

Practical Applications for Executive Pastors

So, how can an Executive Pastor apply this principle on a daily basis?

1. Speak Inclusively: Replace “they” with “we” in meetings, emails, and reports. Reinforce shared responsibility verbally and in writing.

2. Participate in the Work: Model accountability by being part of initiatives, not just assigning tasks. When the staff sees the Executive Pastor rolling up their sleeves, “we” becomes tangible, not just a word.

3. Celebrate as a Team: Successes belong to everyone. Highlight collective achievements and acknowledge contributions in a way that reinforces shared ownership.

4. Address Challenges Together: When problems arise, frame them as opportunities for collective problem-solving. Avoid “they failed” narratives. Instead, ask, “How can we improve this together?”

5. Model Transparency: Share insights, challenges, and decisions openly. Staff members are more likely to adopt a “we” mindset when leadership consistently demonstrates it.

The Impact of “They Is We”

When embraced fully, “They Is We” transforms church leadership. Staff members feel valued, accountability increases, and collaboration becomes the norm. The Executive Pastor becomes a unifying force, bridging gaps between departments, initiatives, and personalities. Rather than a distant administrator, the Executive Pastor emerges as a true shepherd of the team, guiding the church toward its mission with clarity, empathy, and unity.

Ultimately, this principle reminds every church leader: leadership is never about a distant “they.” It’s about us, working together to move forward in mission and purpose.